TITANS’ TRAVELS – I – Introductions

Let me introduce myself. Aside from being the narrator of this opus (how I let myself get talked into this I’m not not quite clear) I’m also one of the idiots who let themselves get talked into this fun trip to nightmare.

Sorry. Tend to get sidetracked easy. My name is Varus. Nothing else, just Varus. Never could figure out what it was about the Roman obsession with so many names for one person.

Oops. Did it again, didn’t I?

Anyway, to make a long story very short, I’m Caesar’s younger brother. Sort of. Big Brother was adopted before I showed up on the scene. Turns out his real brother was the guy Mutt Three killed in self defense. The old Caesar, that is.

Damn! I’m not very good at exposition.

Okay! Let’s keep going. Hopefully things will smooth out as we get into this little adventure of ours.

I was a foot slogger in the Roman Legions for a good twenty years and, while my friends were getting ready to retire to a nice little farm somewhere, I was just getting started. At six foot six inches and about three hundred pounds of muscle, I just couldn’t quite wrap my head around the Idea of tilling land for the rest of my natural. Y’see, war has always been my first best destiny. My adult life was spend in one campaign after another. A seemingly endless stream of slaughters to give the guys in charge their triumphs.

At least, that’s how things were supposed to go. Y’see I have a small problem. I just can’t seem to keep my damned mouth shut. Very little discretion on my part. My loose lips got me busted down the ranks so many times I figured things couldn’t get any worse.

Wrong! It was after that fiasco called the Parthian invasion (remember that disaster? Never did find that @#%$ super catapult.) that I got myself arrested for treason, after calling the old Caesar a bunch of very uncomplimentary names. Well, dammit! He deserved every one.

Anyway, there I was all chained up and worse for the wear when they yanked me in front of the Senate, of all places! Turns out Big Brother was there too. I was serving the purpose of making sure he didn’t protest too much, as well as insurance in case I escaped.

Anyway, I never got to the mines. Someone arranged for me to be elsewhere. Before I could cheer my good fortune I found myself in the hills leading a small, ragtag group of ex-slaves and deserters. Before long that group grew to the size of a well armed, ticked off army. I was in the revolution business. We were soon joined by two more legions who had killed their commanders and switched sides.

Never got to use that army though. Just as I was getting set to have my own triumph at Rome’s expense, the Mutt thing happened, and as quick as you could say wuff, a new Caesar had taken over.

Imagine my surprise when word came back to me that the new guy was my own Big Brother! Could’ve knocked me over with a feather. I went to Rome and joined up with the new Caesar, and I’ve been here ever since.

General of the Roman legions. That’s me. I’ve been through some scrapes for the Boss, but this latest adventure gave even me a moment to pause and consider my future. Thing was, I was actually looking forward to the challenge. Yup, things were about to get a lot more hairy than I was used to.

Chapter II

Advertisement